A Texan, a Dutchman, and a Kiwi were in a bar.

Darryl Hattenhauer

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A Texan, a Dutchman, and a Kiwi were sitting in a pub in Wellington, New Zealand.

"Y'know" said the Texan, "I prefer the bars back home. Why in Austin, there's a bar where the bartender will buy your 5th drink after you buy 4."

"Well" said the Dutchman, "at my favorite bar in The Hague, the bartender will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhh that's nothing" said the Kiwi. "Back home in Greymouth, there's a bar called The Pink Panther. Now the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Texan and the Dutchman immediately scoff at the Kiwi's claim. But he swears every word is true.

"Well" said the Texan, "did this actually happen to you?"

"No, not me personally," said the Kiwi. "But it did happen to me sister."
 

West R Lee

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We'll ahve to get Gary to check that place out! Tell him to wear something slinky and take a ravenous thirst.

West
 

West R Lee

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He does. He had a shot of himself in a tee back flosser posted in "Mugshots", but deleted it as he was embaressed when it was discovered he was wearing it backwards and it still covered everything!

West
 

coastie99

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IMG_1172.jpg
I have assembled a team of suitably qualified people to go and investigate this joint in Wellington. (Me on the left).

Note please, the bespoke (and very expensive) slinky outfits. We should blend in pretty well in Wellington; fairly cosmopolitan up there. Our ravenous thirsts are cunningly concealed in our helmets.


IMG_1180.jpg
Unfortunately, the hideously-expensive slinky oufits hoovered up 85% of the budget, so rather than travelling from the South Island to the North by ferry, we've had to consider alternative means.
Here we are practising for the crossing.
We'll set out as soon as weather and tidal conditions are favourable.
Cook Strait has very powerful and treacherous currents, so very close scrutiny of tidal charts is essential. It would be very easy to end up in either Oz-tralia or Peru !


We're taking some emergency rations of a few curries and lagers, just in case !
 

coastie99

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At last !!

I though nobody was going to ask!

The Boss-fella says; "We're going to do something different this Christmas, we'll pick you up at about noon on Saturday. Bring a towel and dry clothes".

I'm shitting staples, 'cos I'm terrified of water, and Lynda's worried 'cos she has a crook leg following a motorbike prang many years ago !

So off we go, about 30 miles up the road.
Turns out we're all going caving, and then rafting out !

Bloody Nora ! This is going to be a scary gig !

Lynda and I decide yep, we'll give it a punt, and off we go through our fabulous rainforest in this little train, to the starting point.

[IMG:800:600]http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e82/coastie99/IMG_1101.jpg[/img]

Has anyone seen a film made in the last five or so years called "The Lost World" ? Filmed entirely right here.

Firstly, there's about a mile and a half walk uphill, to the cave entrance, which is relatively easy for all of us except Lynda.
And then we're underground, in total darkness.
Lights on, and this is pretty darned fab ! Stalagtites and stalagmites all over, hundreds of thousands of years old !
And fabulous rock formations and layerings.
Doesn't take me long to decide that this is pretty damned interesting.

The cave walk is about two miles long, gently downhill, and we reach the beginning of a tributary of the main river. I'm very scared, but I'm reassured to learn that nowhere is it more than waist-deep.

So, off we go, in our tubes, and lights out please.
Why ?
'Cos overhead, there's zillions of glow worms.
Now this is fab. to bits !! Pass that locoweed here, please !!

Upon hitting the main river, we have 4 moderate rapids to negotiate.
I've always appreciated what a rush white-water rafting must be for those who are so inclined, but with my fear of water, it ain't for me !

But this is very pleasant. We float along feet-first, with the instruction that since the river is fairly shallow at the moment, we're likely to hit our bums on rocks in the rapids, in which case we should endeavour to shift our weight forward.

I'm thinking "Sod hitting my arse, I'm more worried about my cricket-set !"
But all's well, and we finish off a five or so hour adventure serenely floating down-river, and admiring the fab. scenery.
I'm reminded, again, that I live in the most beautiful part of the World.

And I ache like crazy for three days after !!!
 

West R Lee

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:D Sounds like a blast to me Coastie. Have you ever considered writing for a living? Man, you're great....I could read your stuff for hours.

West
 

coastie99

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Funny that you should ask that,West.

When we first came here, a little over seven years ago, I was a little more "loose" and free-to-imagine, than I am now.

I had all kinds of ideas for a kid's book, the central characters of which would have been a hive full of Buzzy Bees.

Too late now, I just don't seem to think as freely and laterally as I used to.
 

West R Lee

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Never too last Coastman. I've just had a revelation on what it is I might like to do after retirement. You can do the same...but you can do yours right there at home.

My wife's great aunt wrote numerous children's books in the 40's and 50's. The blonde finds them on Ebay now and collects them. Her great aunt's name was Lois Linsky and wrote some pretty marvelous books for kids all those years ago.

A little coaching from good old Dr. Hattenhauer, and you've got it whipped!

Good luck to ya Gary and Happy New Year.

West
 
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