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Thread: Fishing channel vs, porn channel

  1. #1
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    Fishing channel vs, porn channel

    An old fart was sitting in the lazy boy with the TV remote, flipping back and forth between the fishing channel and the porn channel. His wife came in, watched him for a few minutes, and then said "Pa, you better leave that on the porn channel, don't you think?" He said "how come, Ma??" To which she replied "Well....you already know how to fish".....
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Sal's Avatar
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    Funny! O.k., I've got one:

    At a bar in New York City, the bartender was so sure that he was the strongest man around that he offered a standing $1,000 bet.

    The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to the patron. Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money.

    Over the years, many people had tried . . . weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it.

    One day, a scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.

    He sat down, ordered a glass of beer, and started looking around the bar. After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a small voice, "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet."

    After the laughter had died down, the bartender said "Ok".

    He grabbed a lemon and squeezed all the juice he could out of it, then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.

    But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

    As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1,000, and then asked, "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living? Are you a lumber jack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

    The little fellow quietly replied:

    "I work for the Internal Revenue Service!"
    Last edited by Sal; 01-29-2018 at 02:27 PM.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member walrus's Avatar
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    Sal, even as my deductions grow up and move away, that is still funny!

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  4. #4
    Whats the German word for bra??? . . . In Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice... Keepsumfromfloppin.

    Ralph

  5. #5
    Senior Member jcwu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by F312 View Post
    Whats the German word for bra??? . . . In Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice... Keepsumfromfloppin.

    Ralph
    Sounds more like something from the shelving section of Ikea. I hear they've got nice racks.
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    Senior Member Jeff_L's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by F312 View Post
    Whats the German word for bra??? . . . In Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice... Keepsumfromfloppin.

    Ralph
    In my part of the world it is "Stoppenzefromfloppen".
    Where my money has gone:

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  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff_L View Post
    In my part of the world it is "Stoppenzefromfloppen".
    I thought it was a supporter of athletics.

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  8. #8
    Hello

    This one is for whole family. . .

    There is this finnish song - men are in woods cutting trees and living in a cabin - every evening they hear Kalle sigh in a corner - "Wish I had a violin" - they think it would be nice if Kalle would entertain them after long day in the woods - so they secretly collect money and send one man to town to get a violin - that night they eagerly wait what will come of it - they hear Kalle sigh : "Wish I could play"
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  9. #9
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    Nice! ...but I bet its better in Suomi...
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  10. #10
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    Boudreaux had to go out of town and with his wife nearing delivery of their twins, he asked his brother Thibedaux to look after her. That night, she called Thibedaux and told him she was going into labor so he went to pick her up and brought her to the hospital. After giving birth to a boy and a girl, the doctor came to congratulate Thibedaux. He told the doctor he was the uncle and not the father. The doctor told him that he needed to know the names for the birth certificates and the babies would not be released until they had names. Thibedaux said he would call Boudreaux to find out the names, but he couldn’t reach him. The doctor again told him the babies wouldn’t be released without names. Thibedaux said he’d take care of the names and they were allowed to leave. When Boudreaux got home he was so happy to see his children. He picked up his daughter and said he thought they should call her Emily. Then, Thibedaux had to break the news to Boudreaux that the children already had names because it was the only way they could leave the hospital. Boudreaux was not happy but he understood and wanted to know what his daughter’s name was. Thibedaux told him he had named her “Denise.” Thibedaux said that wasn’t the name he would have chosen, but he like it well enough. He then asked what his baby boy’s name was. Thibedaux replied, “Denephew.”
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