One of my favorite Kottke stories, funnier because it completely resonates with my experiences growing up, is being the new kid in the neighborhood who gets beat up by the bullies after school. (My dad was in the Air Force and we transfered all over the place, so I was in a different school, sometimes a different country, every single grade 1st through 6th.)
Leo told the story (paraphrasing), "So my dad, tired of seeing me come home bruised and bloody every day, decides he's going to teach me how to defend myself. 'Defend myself.' What that meant, I discovered, was that my old man, sick of seeing me get the sh*t beat of me every day, is going to take me out in the back yard and beat the sh*t out of me himself."