OK here it is, lame as it might be, my parody of "Time In A Bottle'. I Call it "Pee In A Bottle".
Hey, I've got a lot of time on my hands for a few weeks, what can I say? And it does work with the tune...
Pee In A Bottle by Dreadnut (with apologies to the late Jim Croce)
Vs 1
If I couldn’t pee in a bottle, I don’t know what I’d have to do
‘Cause I sure can’t get into the bathrooms until the wife and daughters are through
So I’ve got to go in a bottle, the bathroom is still occupied
My bladder’s so full that it almost exploded, I held it, oh I really tried
CHORUS
But there never seems to be enough time to let their poor old dad do his duty
They spend hours in front of the mirror trying to improve their beauty
Vs 2
If I could spend time in the bathroom, he first thing that I’d like to do
Is to lock both the doors now that I’m all alone, I can finally go number two
If I had a Sports Illustrated, I could sit here an hour or two
But a knock at the door is followed by someone saying “Dad, are you almost through?”
CHORUS
But there never seems to be enough time to let their poor old dad do his duty
They spend hours in front of the mirror trying to improve their beauty
Vs 3 (optional)
We buy TP and pads by the carton, but sometimes that’s still not enough
Then old dad has to go to the store to buy things that he hates to be seen with, it’s rough
So I sneak down the aisle with the Kotex nonchalantly and toss a box in
Then I pick up some beer, some potato chips, dip, some mix and a bottle of gin
FINAL CHORUS
But there never seems to be enough things in my cart to escape scrutiny
I tell you I swear the next time I have to go to the store it’ll be mutiny